Machine of the Moment

In the 90's it was the bread machine. Needed it, wanted it, had to have it. And so Ed complied and bought me a bread machine for my birthday. Mmmmm.....waking up on a Sunday morning with the smell of fresh bread wafting through the house was heavenly. It was probably the "toast" of the town (ha, ha...get it?) for at least six months. Then it must have become too labor intensive for me. After all, for goodness sakes, I did have to measure out flour, sugar, salt, and yeast and dump it in the darn thing. Who's got time for that? Okay, so what if it kneads the dough itself, works on a self timer, and practically cleans itself. I still have to pull it out of the pantry!

In the 80's, prior to the bread machine, I had to have the Epilady. This was a torture device women used to yank hair out of their legs, rather than shaving it. The concept behind it was that by pulling the hair out of the follicle, it would take longer for it to grow back and eliminate razor stubble. The contraption consisted of a hand-held vibrating machine that consisted of black rubber tubing with slits in it. When you touched the Epilady to your leg and ran it up and down, hair would get in between the slits in the black tubing and the vibration would cause it to be ripped out. The commercial showed the woman running this device up and down and around her leg, all the while smiling. All I remember is Ed laughing at me because each time I used it there was no smiling, only cussing and wincing. But, I asked for it, so dammit, I was going to use it. At some point I remember thinking, "what are you doing?" and secretely threw it away.

Then, when we reached the new millenium, I asked for a sewing machine. Why, I don't know. I guess I thought it would be fun to make curtains or something. My sister, Maria, has always been able to sew thanks to classes she took in the 7o's called "Stretch and Sew." She and my mom went berserk and started making all of their clothes and mine. Granted, at the time it was cool. But when I look back at some of the stuff, it's a wonder my dad didn't buy stock in polyester material. She has since redeemed herself by making some pretty cute Halloween costumes for herself and her kids when they were little. I have used the sewing machine to fix the occasional hem, and I actually did make some valances for the kitchen, once. Don't be looking for me on Project Runway anytime soon, however.

I'm happy to say that I'm not the only one that craves the "machine of the moment." When Ed and I returned from Paris in 1999, Ed was in love with espresso and for Christmas that year, I gave him an espresso machine and some teeny tiny cups to go with it. For the next year he got his fill of caffeine. Fortunately, we already had a coffee bean grinder thanks to that must-have moment in the late 80's.

Over the course of our marriage, there have been several other contraptions or inventions that we thought for sure we would use religiously. These included the thigh master, the stair stepper, and the super-duper weight-lifting set he bought from our neighbor, Keith. Sucker!

In November, my mom made a trip to the emergeny room on a Saturday night/Sunday morning. While I was sitting in the room with her at 4:00 a.m., we watched the most incredible infomercials on TV. Each one was filled with one testimony after another and endless trial runs of the products. I found it to be like an addiction and could see how some people go haywire when it comes to purchasing stuff demonstrated on TV.

Fortunately, we've grown wiser with old age. We never did buy a George Foreman grill, a panini maker, or a juicer. Instead, we opted for the Scunci steam cleaner.