With Alex preparing to head off to college later this year, I should be urging him to be become a lawyer. Considering how litigious our society is becoming, he could be plenty busy. Just look at him in this photo. Punctuality has always been one of his strong suits and doesn't his Spiderman briefcase make him look so professional? He's also had a lifetime of practicing his opening and closing arguments in the Honorable Rebecca Minch's courtroom and has even won a few cases against his formidable foe, Cameron.
We have become a nation of lawsuits. I've heard there is a rumor that the opening words to the national anthem are going to be changed from "Oh say can you see" to "Oh, you can sue me." Remember in the old days when the retort to whiny people was "so, sue me." It was basically a way to throw something back in their face short of saying "nyah, nyah, you can't touch me." Someone might complain "you took my seat" and you'd reply "so sue me." Nowadays, the conversation would go more like this...."you took my seat" and the fearful offender would say "oh my god! I did? I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry. Please don't sue me."
Recently I thought that my ship had come in with all this suing ensuing! I read with fascination how Miley Cyrus is being sued for $4 billion for a goofy photo (www.popcrunch.com/miley-cyrus-sued-over-racist-photo-lucie-j-kim-4-billion-lawsuit) of her and her friends. Apparently, she (and others in the photo) were seen as mocking asians by adjusting the shapes of their eyes. A woman in California has suffered emotional distress upon seeing the photo and has filed a class action lawsuit on behalf of 1 million Asian-Pacific Islanders living in Los Angeles County. Yay for me, I thought at first. I'm of Pacific Island descent. Half Filipino with a smidgen of Chinese thrown in for good measure. But then I read the part about this is only on behalf of L. A. County residents. What the heck? I'm thinking about suing the woman suing Miley Cyrus for discrimination. What about us Michigander Asian-Pacific Islanders? We have rights to ya know!
All this suing business got me to thinking. Perhaps I could file some of my own class action lawsuits. First I'd start with suing Paris Hilton. I know, I know, I gripe about Paris Hilton a lot but she offends me on so many levels. Let's start with the fact that she is a member of the female gender and she misrepresents our intelligence level. Then, there's the fact that her first name is Paris, which reminds me of Paris, France, which I've been to and have oodles of pictures of and every time I see a picture of the Eiffel Tower I suffer emotional distress because it reminds me of her.
Following Paris would be Michael Phelps. Afterall, he has offended us swimmers. I did grow up with a four-foot deep pool in my backyard, took swimming lessons at the Garden City Park, moved to a home on a lake, and then bought a home with an inground pool. I'd say that more than qualifies me as a swimmer who has been tainted by the "bong" scandal.
Next on my list would be Alex Rodriguez. I'm thinking of filing a class action lawsuit against him on behalf of all the kids who looked up to him and believed in the concept of true athleticism and honesty. I believe that Madonna may want to join in on this lawsuit, seeing as how she's miffed that A-Rod and has gone crawling back to his ex-wife in the wake of his scandal and not her.
Then, there's the Detroit Lions. I'm sure there's got to be a lawsuit in their future.
The year 2009 sure is shaping up to be the year of the ding-dong celebrity with Michael Phelps, Prince Harry, Chris Brown, and Miley Cyrus, not to mention all those Obama cabinet nominees who forgot to pay their taxes. I can't wait to see what's on the docket in March.
No comments:
Post a Comment