Olympic Inspirations

Nothing like the Olympics to make you feel like an underachieving, overeating, couch potato slug. I continue to be astounded at what some of these athletes can do with their bodies, at high rates of speed and, in some cases, altitude.

First off, the mogul skiers. Last week we watched in awe as men and women were just ripping down a steep mountain hitting gigantic moguls one after the other. Along the way, they paused enough to ski off a ramp (twice), to leap into the air and perform some ridiculous somersault. They would hit the ground running and continue down some more moguls. It was outrageous how fast they traveled down the hill, all the while keeping their heads level while their knees bounced up and down faster than you can say “arthroscopic surgery.” I was so sore from just watching that event, I had to take some sympathy Tylenol and break the heating pad back out. Seriously, how do these people have any hip and knee joints left?

Next up was speed skating. My dear, sweet Apolo Anton Ohno. He is so adorable, I just want to scoop him up and put him in my pocket for luck. Watching him skate makes me so nervous, though. The velocity at which these short track skaters travel around that teeny tiny oval ice rink is crazy. The racers start off all spread out, and Apollo likes to hang back in the beginning so he can check out the competition. Then, with only a few laps to go, he makes his move. Zipping, scooting, and cutting people off like a New York taxi driver. I start screaming at the TV set “he’s not gonna make it, he’s not gonna make it!”, because he’s all the way in the back with so little time left in the race, and then boom! Next thing I know, he’s in front and I’m thinking “how’d he do that?”

Moving on to lugers, I have come to the conclusion that they are not even of this earth. Can you imagine someone explaining to you how this sport actually works? Ok...first you need to put on this skin tight unflattering outfit which might protect you from serious ice-burn, however, we can’t guarantee that. Besides, your skin getting ripped off your body will be the least of your worries. Next you sit on this flimsy-ass sled, and try to push yourself as hard as you can down the track. As you begin your journey to hell, you’ll want to lay down on your sled (which, by the way, only has room to support your back) and put your legs on either side of the runners for support and steering capability (as if there’s a snowball’s chance in hell you’ll actually be able to control anything). Since there is no support for your head, you’ll need to keep it at a 17-1/2 degree tilt so you can see what you're going to crash into. Because the track is made out pure ice, you may find yourself travelling at speeds upwards of 80 to 90 miles per hour, so for sure you'll want to wear a helmet.

A couple of weeks ago, leading up to the Olympics, I caught part of the women’s figure skating competition that would determine who was going to be on the United States’ team. I distinctly remember sitting in my comfy, cozy bed seeing skater after skater do incredible things with their bodies that made my toes cramp. One incredible move I witnessed time after time was them twirling (very, very fast, I might add) on one foot all while grabbing the blade of their other skate (behind their back, I might add) and then they pulled their leg up and back until their hands were held high over their heads....spinning faster....balancing on one leg...perfectly balanced. Did I mention they did this on one leg, with the other leg pulled up behind them over their head? I mean, it’s one thing to be balanced on one leg with your other leg in front of you (like when you're shaving your legs), but behind you? That totally makes you want to lean forward. But they were upright, straight as an arrow. As I watched this move unfold, I remember thinking “what is she doing?....where is she going to put that leg?....oh, no she didn’t!.... get out!” The crowd rewarded them each time with a thundering roar of applause and cheers. At some point, I began to feel so incredibly motivated and inspired, I found the energy to jump up with enthusiasm and headed all the way downstairs into the kitchen to make some popcorn. Normally, I would ask Ed to do it, while twirling my hair and looking so Perils-of-Pauline helpless-like, but I felt truly inspired to do it all on my own.

Over the weekend we watched downhill, slalom, Super G (which stands for Super Good) and combo racers. Since Ed and I are skiers....well, let me rephrase that....since Ed and I HAVE skied over the years (using our skis we bought for ourselves as Christmas gifts to each other in 1989, which are now considered obsolete antiques), and have been to the giant slopes of Boyne Mountain (which, granted, is not quite as giant as Whistler in Vancouver, mind you), we do know a thing or two about skiing. And one thing we know for sure is that we could never even come close to doing what these people do. I said to him while watching one race "Could you imagine doing that?" to which he replied a pure and simple, yet emphatic, "No." There was absolutely no hesitation whatsoever in his response. We would most likely become the poster children for the "agony of defeat" video clip that would go viral on YouTube for all the world to see.

The physical strength and fortitude of these athletes is truly incredible. The adversities they have faced in the way of accidents and injuries, some of them life threatening, requires a special determination. The sacrifices they and their families have made over a lifetime, the hours of practice put in day after day, and the physical pain they endure for an opportunity to represent their country truly makes me want to "go for the gold" and walk an extra mile on the treadmill. However, let's not get all crazy. After all, there is no shame in getting a bronze medal, you know.