It's All Relative

Last week I received a funny e-mail forwarded from Ed and I found it to be very relevant. What's even funnier is that I was sitting at my computer and he was sitting inches away from me on his computer when I received and opened it (see #4). I have also done #6 NUMEROUS times. Here's the e-mail of "how you know you're living in 2009."

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

Maybe it's because my kids are teenagers and I am becoming more aware of newer technologies, but I find the world is changing (not necessarily evolving) at a very rapid pace. Things that were widely used just a few years ago are now considered obsolete by many, like VCRs, e-mail, and local radio. Nowadays more and more peope use DVRs to record their favorite shows, communicate via texting, Facebook and blogs, and listen to satellite radio or plug into their Ipods. We like instant gratification and have low attention spans. This insight has prompted me to come up with my own list of how you know you are living in 2009.

1. You hardly ever use stamps anymore thanks to e-mail, e-cards, e-vites, and online bill paying.

2. You use the house phone to call someone on their cell phone in another part of the house so you don't have to get up and go look for them.

3. You haven't stepped foot inside your bank in months thanks to direct deposit and online banking.

4. Your kids, you, and your parents are all members of Facebook.

5. You keep clicking the mouse when a page is taking too long to download, because frankly, eight seconds is just too darn long!

6. Your toddlers need you to pop in a video to keep them entertained for a short car ride to the grocery store (whatever happened to looking out the window?).

7. You have no idea how much film costs these days or if they even still sell film!

8. You have hundreds (if not thousands) of digital photos on your computer, but have yet to print them out and put them into albums.

9. You now refer to your 401(k) as your 1(k).

10. You have little need to go to the video rental store, thanks to video rental via your cable provider.

11. You have no patience for a cell phone call to connect, even though the signal has to go all the way into outer space, find a satellite and get bounced back to earth in some cases.

12. The term "bailout" is now a regular part of your vocabulary.

13. You've already forgotten about George Bush.

14. Thanks to caller ID and call waiting ID, you can now avoid conversations on a regular basis.

15. You find shows like "Ghost Whisperer" and "Medium", where they talk to dead people, to be more realistic than "reality" shows.

It's not just technology that's changing quickly either, it's our perception of daily life. For instance, remember when a million dollars used to be a lot of money to the average person? Not anymore. With terms like "billions" being thrown around to bailout the banks, auto companies, and multi-million dollar contracts being offered to professional athletes and entertainers, a million dollars, frankly, is considered chump change!

How many times have you heard someone say they're not buying a lotto ticket because the jackpot is only a million dollars? Why, I don't know, because the odds are even smaller of winning, but it's the perception. I guess they feel as if a million dollars isn't worth a dollar and the effort of coloring in those little circles to pick their lucky numbers. Personally, I don't believe in buying lotto tickets. I prefer to throw my money away at the casino. It's much more interactive.

I'm continued to be amazed at the amount of money professional athletes and entertainers are making. I recently read that Russell Simmons, hip hop mogul, has been ordered to pay his ex-wife, Kimora Lee Simmons (no financial slouch herself) $40,000 a month for child support for his two daughters, ages 6 and 9. Holy crap! How do you spend $20,000 a month on each kid? She must be charging them rent.

Of course, I realize it's all relative. I just wish Russell Simmons (instead of Russell Tell) was my relative. Just kidding, dad!